Washing the World Go By

Is there anything better than sitting in the sun on a winter’s day? It really takes me back to my reptilian days. If I were wearing a poncho I would be a frilled neck lizard. I always wondered why people wore ponchos, obviously to make themselves appear larger to potential prey. Surely, there is also a similar explanation as to why people wear animal print. I must be so intimidating in my leopard print blouse, although I accidentally wore it inside out yesterday. Yes, tag on the outside. Biologists must be researching me. Fascinating.

More often than not we must shed our skins, and put them in the front loader. Yes, the never-ending cycle that is the washing cycle. Even when I am in the process of washing my clothes I am already perpetuating more dirty washing simply by wearing more clothes. You can always delay. We do this. Your wardrobe becomes your floodrobe and before you know it your room is backdrop to an inconvenient material mountain. Mine is called, Mt Neverdressed. Eventually an avalanche occurs and you’re held hostage by ozone eating odours and strangling sleeve vines. The only way out is to wear the unclean undies inside-out.

Laundromats are like public toilets for your clothes. I am grateful to have my very own clothes toilet which doesn’t require ‘x’ amount of coins with difficult insertion mechanism. I’m sure I’ve started up a game of pool somewhere in the world whilst trying to start up a load of linens in a Laundromat once.

Although the washing machine is perhaps easier than beating soaked socks on an old rock, there is still a degree of preparation required. Of course, if I separated my whites from my colours I would be a racist washer. I have a dream…..for all clothes to be washed equally, no matter where they come from, their shape, size or material. One washing instruction for all! Who follows washing instruction symbols? They are like some indecipherable henchman’s code. What do they mean? Should I take them as personal instructions? Do not tumble dry. Perhaps I should cartwheel dry instead. I mean, I’d use a towel but then I’d have to wash it.

You gotta know when to fold ‘em. It’s not origami but how do you fold the fitted sheet? It’s a mystery, a riddle, the rubix cube of all laundry. But if a sheet is unfolded in the cupboard and nobody sees it, is it really an unfolded sheet in the cupboard?