I saw a shooting star on my drive home tonight. I think it was. Well, either that or I went through a red light, or I time traveled back to the 80s. I have a knack for that. I saw a shooting star once when I was 11, on Christmas night. My Dad told me it meant things in my life were changing. Aren't they always changing? Maybe just not so drastically. I couldn't help but wonder if the dog enjoyed Christmas, because I didn't. I should have since I received a mountain bike and a Sega Master System that day. So in. Well, it was especially hot and I drank too much wine, which at 11, wasn't much wine. I'd trade presents for presence, even at 11. I just need to check myself in the mirror to see if I did time travel back to 11. Nope, lookin' good, Rizz.

My Best Friends' Wedding (minus Julia Roberts' Mouth)

Since performing at a number of weddings I developed some kind of immunity to their supposed ‘love infections’. I’m usually part of a musical backdrop to the cocktail swilling, the entrée guzzling, and the interpretive limb flailing white people call ‘dancing’. The brides and grooms all start looking the same, the guests all seem like reused extras from ‘The Truman Show’, and the speeches are less enlightening than the nutritional info on a cereal box. I should spend my set breaks pretending I have rabies, frothing at the mouth on champagne, just to keep it real for myself. I’m not complaining though, I would rather play music than chitter chatter with wind-up teeth attached to humans.

This year has been the first year of my adult life that I have been invited as a non-musical guest to a couple of weddings. Yes, a ‘Truman Show’ extra. It’s like jury duty. My wedding immunity has been a challenge as I have struggled to find the ‘special’ in the special day without feeling the blandness of ‘Special K’. Fibre.

Meanwhile, how many more times can you witness a bouquet toss to ‘All the single ladies’? Why not Van Halen’s ‘Jump’? I have never been interested in catching the bouquet. Even if someone threw it directly to me I would respond like ‘Santa’s Little Helper’ to the Frisbee. It would just bounce right off-of my face. The bride might as well be throwing a kilo of mackerel guts over her shoulder.

Yesterday was the first time in my adult life that I have actually been part of a bridal party. I keep saying ‘adult life’ because it implies that I cannot play in the dirt in my good clothes. Oh, how the tables have turned. I am typically not bridesmaid material, but thanks to Kate Mackie and Larry, and Kristen Wiig, we made it through. Let’s just say, I’m pretty sure the brides knew of my incompetence well beforehand. Ah, the impractical non-organising obstacle that I am with lines like, ‘Am I more in your way like this?’

I didn’t realize that lacing up dresses was a thing so I pretended the lace was horse reigns. PS don’t do this. The bride is not interested in being ridden before the ceremony, read in a David Attenborough voice. Sorry, Larry. Really though, I never knew putting bridal gowns on people would be like trying to shove a snake back into its shed skin. Get in there already. And once I attached the catheters they were right to go.

Thanks to a lack of bridezillaness, the fact that it rained right on cue for the ceremony was not an issue. Perhaps this was in the hope for a gay rainbow to follow, or Stefans. 80s. Instead of setting up the slip ‘n’ slide down the aisle we walked in, each with a kilo of mackerel guts flowers.

Meanwhile, thanks to fab unfake hair and make-up people, I didn’t look like Heath Ledger as the joker.

Hi, I don’t know if it was the mackerel guts talking but my wedding immunity weakened. Was I finally starting to understand this thing, like a real ‘Truman Show’ extra? Light rain, favourite faces, and love. There it is, bang! I said the 'L' word. I was Liz Lemon when she cried out of her mouth. So, there I was in Kate Mackie and Larry’s vision, they included me. I think I get it now, you guys. It actually was a special day, despite the fact that Kate Mackie wouldn’t fulfill Larry’s request for me to read Salt ‘n’Peppa’s ‘Shoop’ at the ceremony. So, almost perfect, but I went to sleep smiling. It must have been the lolly teeth,

Dogs and petrol xxx