Un-news is good news?

Never before has commercial Australian news been so uninformative. In fact, if I didn't watch it at all I would naturally know more. That is actually what  have been doing, not watching the news. And it's growing, there are more and more people not watching the news, at the risk of their own increased intelligence. If I was from a third world country and someone forced me to watch a western news bulletin I would think it was some kind of variety show, light untertainment if you will.

My point is simply that the news is not news. Headlining tonight: exercise after eating chocolate, how to eat meat on a budget, which movies are showing, a blind lady taking her kids to school, and my favourite; a man who grew a tomato shaped like a duck. They called it a duck-ato. Oh my dog!
How can news reporters present these 'stories'? I'll tell you how, they're not human, surely not. You never see the back of a news reporter, do you, just the front. That's because their backs are filled with wires, buttons and knobs. Yes, there is a lot of knob involved in these robotic news reading puppets.

Whilst watching the news one cannot tell the difference between commercial breaks and news 'stories'. What's the difference? It's all a sales pitch. They are selling thoughts and people are buying them. They do not know that they are buying them, but the price is high, the price is you. The news is actually the 'no yous'.
Choose Pepsi.

Why is it so hard to say goodbye?

I'm talking about phone conversations, here. For some reason we need to repeat the word, 'goodbye', and say it in at least 17 different ways before we can hang up the phone. And even as we pull the receiver further away from our mouths to hang up we are still saying goodbye. 'Ok, bye then, see you later, have a good one, see you round, let's block the phone lines for no reason, take care, so long.' Actually, no one really says 'so long' anymore. I think it means, 'SO this is a LONG phonecall. Hang up already.'
Interestingly, I find that if I yell goodbye in the voice of an evil Grover, people on the other line are compelled to say goodbye in a similar silly way. Try it sometime.
If I am person to person, I don't say goodbye 17 times as they walk away from me. In fact, I don't even speak, a wave is fine or even, 'Get the &*%$ away from me', and we're done. Nothin' more to see here, people, the show is over.
We also have the lead up to goodbyes. 'Ok, I'd better let you go', a polite way of saying, 'Totally bored right now'. Then there's, 'Well, I'm on the mobile so I'd better go,' a polite way of saying, 'I'm a tight arse and you are boring.' Let's not forget, 'I've just got someone on the other line,' another way of saying, 'I'm trying to get rid of you by pretending to be popular.' I always find that, 'Yikes, dude! My colostomy bag just burst' works. People don't want to keep talking after that, or eating for that matter.

Why is it so hard to say Hello?

I am absolutely attrocious at saying Hello. I never really know just what to do, so many options to consider. Usually I start out with, say hi, have minimal eye contact and shuffle around them awkwardly from a 1 metre radius. The next one is the nod and hand shake, which is more of an acknowledgement of presence, but still awkward from my female perspective. I'd feel more comfortable head butting a fish as a term of endearment.
But there is one question that always hinders my approach, 'Do I hug them or do I kiss them?' Let's just say we try to avoid the genitle area. Some people just insist on the hug, even if you don't like them, or haven't even met them. For me, you have to earn the hug. And even after that, how do you hug. Do you give the half-arsed arms out but don't wrap around them hug? Or do you secretly try to squeeze them to death?
And the kiss, do you go for one cheek or two? Do you peck or snog? Probaby peck, but not like a chicken or you will peel their cheeks open.
I don't know. Please give me tips on Hellos that don't involve nose rubbing.