Have you ever woken up after a nanna nap as
an actual nanna?
I have accepted and embraced bed hair as a
part of my daily fashionable life. But recently I seem to be subject to the
symptoms of ‘bed skin’.
Each morning I wake up from my bed battle
with fresh linen scars. It’s hardly my beauty sleep when I have artificially
aged overnight with bed wrinkles galore. I am not an animal!
When I say I have slept like a log it means
that I have actually logged my sleep. Yes, my body has documented my slumber
with bed sheet imprints and a fossilized face.
Where I used to spring out of bed like a
super slinky, now I gradually flop onto the floor like an unused concertina.
Every morning stretch produces a honky sounding chord. Enter McDuff from
‘Johnson and Friends’.
Upon closer inspection of my morning
reflection I notice that my upper chest is actually a MAD magazine fold out.
Woman of many cleavages. Sometimes the bed sheets cut so deep that it looks
like my face is folding over and actually engulfing itself.
After an immensely deep sleep (the kind
full of astro-travel adventures through every dimension in non human form) I
briefly become unrecogniseable. It’s as though I have not fully re-entered my
body from my soul vacation. On such occasions I actually change race and wake
up Mongolian. As the day progresses my eyes slowly pries themselves open like
dead pippy shells on a hot day.
Well, you snooze, you lose.
