Come on down to Brisbane's annual festival of viruses. The excellent value
of $22 will enable you to enjoy the sights of cow manure, the back of someone else's head for 5 hours, and trails of spit and gum directly under an overrated chairlift, just to name a few.
This year we have an even larger range of showbags. After all, what do kids
love more than insignificant, low quality plastic toys and trinkets of food that are made out of the same low quality plastic?
Some of the popular showbags which will be sold in the large ugly shed which we call a "pavillion" are;
-'The World's Biggest Showbag' ($15) - This is just big because of the
deceiving size of the bag. It contains a 1cm X 1cm cube of drift wood. -''The toys kids will never use again showbag' ($12) - This includes a
plastic plane without wings, an inflatable giraffe hoof, a mask without holes for the eyes and mouth, and an army figurine which was discarded in the early 80s.
-'The Gag Magic Bag' ($9.50) - This bag is filled with practical jokes and
tricks that encourage violence among children: a whoopee cushion that
actually explodes, a real persons' finger, some vomit which was collected
under the ferris wheel, kool mints which are really moth balls, a plastic camera that squirts sulfuric acid, and some plastic 'dracula' teeth which
cause gum infection.
-'The Virus Showbag' ($7) - This bag contains every virus available at
the Ekka so you can keep up with the latest trends in sore throats, colds,
coughs, and lethal flu. It even has a bonus toy nose that can be wound up
to run.
Another Ekka specialty is the food, where there is no other sort like it. The pluto pups, hot dogs, hamburgers, sausage rolls, pies, and chips have all been reheated as left-overs from last year and the year before in order
to maintain that true Ekka taste and bonus bacteria, which we guarantee will
assist the development of your Ekka virus. And if you are wondering what
gives our pluto pups that distinct flavour, why don't you head in to see the
dogs we have on show.
The reason our Ekka food tastes so great is because we know that it needs to taste even better on its way back up after going on the overrated rides.
As if you hadn't already spent enough money, we also charge you for the rush you get from going on our unstable rides which were last approved in 1982. We charge you for this so we can afford to pay you money back if you decide to sue us for long term ride related injuries.
Don't forget to check out side-show alley. Throwing something at a bottle
has never been so much fun, especially since there is a chance that you
could win a really ugly stuffed toy. The Side-show Alley toys really are stuffed. That is because they have been taken from the crappy toy collections of doctors' surgeries in lower class suburbs of the 70s. If you
ever win you will receive a faded toy with one eye, patches of lice infested
fur, and tiny white balls falling out of a split seam.
While you're at the Ekka do not miss the farm animals. They have been drugged in unnatural surroundings on uncomfortable hay especially for your
viewing. It is always incredibly entertaining to watch a goat barely moving
its tail, a chicken sitting, and a sheep breathing. The midday cattle parade is also a must. Cows walking around in a circle brings an excited crowd to its feet every day. It's a pity that such talented cows are slaughtered in the next week so they can become Ekka food in storage for the year 2017.
So come on down to the Ekka this year. It's contagious in more ways than
one. You can see what the ten days of pointless activity are all about.
You'll find there is so much to do and waste you're money on. There are many drains around the gutters outside so you can throw your money down one if you'd rather do that than come. The Ekka's traditional atmosphere is
great. It's just like going to a large and over-crowded garage sale which sells its unwanted products for double what they are worth, and is filled with the fragrance of animal dung. Who could ask for anything more?
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