Due for an 'I' test

There was a stall outside Myer with teenage girls walking around in Virtual Reality goggles. I’m sure the novelty of experiencing cyber synthetic realms has worn off in 2017. Look, you’re doing it right now. It’s not new, it’s normal. 

I wondered if these teenage girls were for real, then I realised that we created the first layer of virtual reality. It’s just called, ‘Reality’. It’s not real but we like to think it is. Perishable parishioners. 

So whilst I observed the juvenile lassies having a dope time in ‘Virtual Virtual Reality’, I wondered what it would be like to spend time in ‘Ultimate Reality’. Of course, I was probably not likely to experience this in Westfield, although it is the colloquial hub for modern philosophical thought. Apparently. Do I spell it like Prophet or Profit? I’d like to speak to the manager.

Cyber aside, we already don invisible perception lenses in this realm. Everyone has a different pair. I decided I needed to update my vision so I headed to Specsavers to fulfil my prescription for rose coloured glasses. The optometrist said they were not the right glasses for me. I enquired about the Virtual Reality goggles I saw the teenagers wearing. Out of Stock. Meanwhile, their 3D specs were on sale but they just looked cheap and flimsy. I enjoyed them at Expo 88, but this is 2017.

“Ah, what about something that allows me to see where I’m going whilst walking and googling?”

She handed me a stack hat and some bubble wrap, before adding,

“We’ve been trialling guide dogs for people who walk and text but they’re not quite ready yet due to dog meme commitments. Depending on your budget you might consider the ‘Textus Walker Ranger’? It’s your own personal humanish guide for walking whilst googling.

What is it you’re needing to see that you can’t already?”

“Me”, I responded.

Instead of shining a lame mirror in my face, or pulling out the x-ray vision collection, she did a final examination, this time on my third eye. She covered my corneas and asked me what I saw.

“Everything.” 

She said, “So now you see yourself”.

The optometrist lifted the covers and looked back at me with my eyes. She was me.

So I asked her if she bulk billed and she said no one does that anymore. I pay waved myself $120 and headed to validate my parking. Of course, the parking attendant said I didn’t need to be validated because I was already everything. Besides, 3 hours and under is free, you know.