Someone out there is doing numerous studies and surveys on ridiculous things we already know. There’s just nothing else to talk about, right? And so I have begun to study these studies.
“A recent study shows that soft drinks are not good for you”. How shocking. I mean all of my soft drink is fresh, straight from the cow’s udders. How could fizzy, preservative packed, sugary liquid be bad for me? Aren’t I 80% Pepsi, or was that water? I forget.
“A new study has found that egg yolks can have the same effect on your heart as smoking.” Do they say how many egg yolks I actually need to eat? A carton per day could have a double meaning. And I may find myself asking whether these cigarettes are cage free? And how are they going to stick offensive bodily images / health warnings to chickens?
I love this one, “Mixing dieting, binge drinking dangerous: Study”. Someone studied this? Who funded it? Meanwhile, I love the term coined for the so-called dieters and binge drinkers in this study, Drunkorexics. Too amazing.
I also like “Study: Maybe Texas needs a “fat tax”. There is no need to add anything.
And there is a selection of products that are constantly researched, debated and flung about over the invisible health fence. Chocolate, coffee and red wine. They’re good for us, they’re bad for us, he loves me, she loves me not. Each time a study reveals these are bad for you, another one will reveal they’re actually good for you. And most people have no idea it’s all to do with marketing and not empowering us with knowledge at all. Despite this, we already know what we should eat and how much of it. We do. But the truth is that we don’t care. We don’t care if it gives us cancer. We will still eat a gluttonous amount of chocolate, drink coffee to the point of levitation, smoke numerous packets of egg yolks and bathe in red bull like the drunorexics we are. Don’t you think someone should study that? I do, but there is no company that will benefit.
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