speak easy - part 2

OMG, I play the piano too!

The word describing what I do for a living is, 'pianist'. I am not so great at pronouncing this, and it can often sound like I am calling myself a penis. Just quietly, I'm sure I'd make a lot of money if I had a career as a penis. Meanwhile, I recall my Granny telling me I wouldn't make a good prostitute when I was in my teen years. I'm still scarred from her comments. For a start, is it even a good thing or a bad thing? She is a good Granny, must point that one out. Recently she watched a show about how to be a model and noted that you were meant to point your pelvis to the sky. She did this for awhile and looked ridiculous, yet incredibly content with herself. Perhaps she needed to pout and frown some more, and maybe not be 85. Minor detail.

Anyway, I am not a penis, let's face fact. When I say 'pianist', I emphasise the 'a', which either makes me sound foreign or slow. And for your information, I am both of those things. I generally feel like a loser if I have to tell people I am a pianist but I usually don't have to, particularly if I am playing a gig. Statingtheobvious.com.au/hi.

For some reason people feel the need to tell me that they play piano too, or learnt at some stage, like we share some kind of life bond now. I am unaware of this bond, and wouldn't even go as far as to call it a common thread. But of course, feel free to shower me with endless stories of songs you were forced to learn at age 12. We don't have anything in common. I would skim rocks for a living if I could but I play the piano. I am married to a piano and we spend Valentines days together. We make music, what can I say. So see, people will not go so far as to say that they are married to a piano. Touche.

I have a pretend interested face I used to do when people told me they played the piano, but my acting skills are not so great now. I need a stunt double to pretend care about the confronting past childhood pianists. Meanwhile,  I don't tell accountants that I used to do sums in primary school. It's not a thing.

So mentioning you play the piano is one thing, but then actually insisting upon playing the piano for me, or better still, my own keyboard, is another thing. We're not round the camp fire, dudes, and you're not 12 anymore. If you were I'd wonder why your bourbon breath was looming around my nostril hairs. Smells like burning. Also, when I visit the doctor I do not pop in on their surgery and insist I have a go because once I played 'Operation' in the 80s. Sheesh. Incidentally, my doctor doesn't perform surgery from a bar. Yes, this means less bourbon breath, in some cases.

Just one last thing....I'm glad you learnt piano, I'm glad you have a keyboard, I'm glad you have a job, I'm glad you have a car and a giant old grandfather clock necklace. Whatever makes you tick. I am very grateful for the opportunity I have to play the piano. You cannot force yourself upon the keys though, as they do not force themselves upon you. You must love them through your finger tips, as gross and bourbon breath as that may sound. Your piano at home may be filled with dusty doilies, melted candles and antique cat ornaments. That is fine. BUT, whatever you do, do not ever place your drink or any of the above on my keyboard. Respect the keys. We all have pianist envy.